Monday, January 19, 2004

wove, true wove-BULLSHIT

so all this crisis over the wedding not happening has really got me thinking about everything that I used to believe was true. Sorry in advance if this turns into some sort of psychotic/bleeding heart romance BS.

SO OK I was always one of those people who beleived that there was that one special person out there who you were totally meant for and vice-versa, and that no matter what, at whatever-cost you two would always be together, you know that Romeo and Juliet sort of belief I guess. And you would go through hell and back just to be with that person, because you two were special and noone else could understand all that.
But more recently I have just begun thinking that maybe that is all crap, and we are just going to marry who's convenient and the most pain-free. I mean here I was all thinking that Adam was my soulmate and all that jazz and he felt the same way and then-oh wait nope he doesn't feel the same way- I mean hell it only took him 7 years to figure it out, no he would rather spend time with his soulmates-money and POS falling down houses. He keeps telling me, maybe we will get back together and this is the biggest mistake I have ever made, and I understand if you find someone else-WHAT!! so is he just going to sit around with his thumb up his ass and wait for God only knows what?
I don't understand this whole thing at all. I mean good lord, what is he waiting on? Who knows, but I bet you his mom wasn't telling him he made a mistake when he told her of his assanine decison. Do you know it actually took her a month to contact me? and then it was some lame pissy email about oh well better now then later! EXCUSE ME! after 7 years thats what she had to say. F-her.
It also is strange how now I don't even care about all that stupid wedding stuff like I did before. I have been scorned, I mean my mom even bought one of those little flags that hang off of people's porche's. All I could think about doing was- actually nothing. At no time did I ever really seriously entertain the thought of hurting Adam or anything of his. I mean nothing could match what I felt emotionally and even if I could find some way of inflicting that on someone, I never would. Have I turned soft?

2 comments:

  1. Who has taken over Bret's body? Seriously, I think that was the sweetest thing I have ever heard out of your mouth. You are a doll. Thanks :-)
    Court

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  2. i really dont know that it's either of those extremes. it doesnt have to be the
    only person you can be with, but it doesn't have to be the person you can only
    barely stand to be around. i hate to see this happen to you *or* adam. I know
    it's probably shittest in your world, but i'm sure his is not a happy place
    either. I have the joy of knowing you both as friends, as individuals, and i
    know you are both good people. i know how much this hurts you, and i only hope
    that it's sparing you from much more hurt. i know this is one of those
    "better now than later" statements, which means it is partly
    conciliatory bullshit, but i hope you see this as something that needed to
    happen years down the road. both you and adam are strong individuals and, i
    think, capable of handling so much, I know you will come out of this stronger.
    I love you, and I love Adam. Please know you are a wonderful, special person,
    and that there *is* someone wonderful waiting for you.

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