so all this crisis over the wedding not happening has really got me thinking about everything that I used to believe was true. Sorry in advance if this turns into some sort of psychotic/bleeding heart romance BS.
SO OK I was always one of those people who beleived that there was that one special person out there who you were totally meant for and vice-versa, and that no matter what, at whatever-cost you two would always be together, you know that Romeo and Juliet sort of belief I guess. And you would go through hell and back just to be with that person, because you two were special and noone else could understand all that.
But more recently I have just begun thinking that maybe that is all crap, and we are just going to marry who's convenient and the most pain-free. I mean here I was all thinking that Adam was my soulmate and all that jazz and he felt the same way and then-oh wait nope he doesn't feel the same way- I mean hell it only took him 7 years to figure it out, no he would rather spend time with his soulmates-money and POS falling down houses. He keeps telling me, maybe we will get back together and this is the biggest mistake I have ever made, and I understand if you find someone else-WHAT!! so is he just going to sit around with his thumb up his ass and wait for God only knows what?
I don't understand this whole thing at all. I mean good lord, what is he waiting on? Who knows, but I bet you his mom wasn't telling him he made a mistake when he told her of his assanine decison. Do you know it actually took her a month to contact me? and then it was some lame pissy email about oh well better now then later! EXCUSE ME! after 7 years thats what she had to say. F-her.
It also is strange how now I don't even care about all that stupid wedding stuff like I did before. I have been scorned, I mean my mom even bought one of those little flags that hang off of people's porche's. All I could think about doing was- actually nothing. At no time did I ever really seriously entertain the thought of hurting Adam or anything of his. I mean nothing could match what I felt emotionally and even if I could find some way of inflicting that on someone, I never would. Have I turned soft?