Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Don't be hatin'

I just got an email from TB, one of my favorite bloggers. Actually she was commenting on the post about Conner being sick. She said (and I quote!) "You have such a great attitude. I always leave here feeling happy."

Seriously, I didn't even know what to say. That was like the nicest thing anyone has said to me all month long. I suppose as some of you may know, I don't follow the road of Anthony Robbins, and am all woo-hoo I live in a castle and rule, but, that being said, I don't always walk around with a rain cloud on my head and say shit like, "Thanks for noticing me".

I have always said that I like to call it as I see it. As cliché' as it may be I am actually going to quote some song lyrics here so just get ready. I think Ani DiFranco says it best in her song As Is.

Cause when I look around
I think this, this is good enough
And I try to laugh
At whatever life brings
Cause when I look down
I just miss all the good stuff
When I look up
I just trip over things

Some people give me shit about my attitude mostly just for fun, they know it gets a rise out of me and we usually laugh about it. There is really only a select few who attack me for it. I'm not saying that sometimes I don't bitch about stupid stuff, but if you know me, or take the time to know me at all, you will definitely find that I am going to be over it in about 5 minutes. But what you don't know and can't know, is all the life experiences that have come together to make me view things the way I do. You put two people in the same situation and their reactions are always going to be different.

For me, if I am vocal about complaining about something, it is usually because I am simply trying to validate my feelings. I didn't always have the easiest time in elementary school with peers, and in 7th and 8th grade, I had a girl who decided it was her personal mission to turn everyone in her click against me, It's not like I was unpopular and the one who they tried to stick pads and gum and shit too, but I could always attract that one girl who wanted to take me down.

While, for the most part, I think I didn't let it bother me to much, I had and have some great friends, and could usually get along with everyone; it just planted that little seed of self-doubt. I remember thinking, what is it about me that causes these girls to hate me so much, it's not like I am any type of competition for them in any realm, and I never did anything to them. I know, now, a lot of it is just their own personal experiences and they were the one's with the problem, but when you're 15 you don't care about psychology and how you will look back in 10 years and laugh.haha

I have never had a problem speaking out; I do always second-guess it, and wish, sometimes, I was more like the quiet girl, who gets promoted by nodding yes, and standing down from her beliefs.

I hope Conner has more courage then his mom, and will never second guess speaking up for himself.

1 comment:

  1. The internet ate my comment...
    What I said was, Right on with the Ani Difranco. I love her. And I think you are setting an excellent example for Connor.
    I hope your morning sickness subsides quickly. You made me hungry with your list.