Monday was the big meeting with all the people who are going to get Conner to start talking.
It went well, we met with the account coordinator, the service coordinator, the intake coordinator (can you tell this is a government program) and the therapist who “interviewed” Conner and assessed his speech skills.
The good news is he is quite advanced in every field expect expressive communication. He is only functioning at a 10 month level there. Which sounds scary as hell, but everyone assured us that the kid is pretty darn smart he just doesn’t want to talk.
As I mentioned above this is a government program so of course they have to ask really freaking stupid questions. My favorite was this, “If we has parents had to brag about Conner what would we say? Where do we feel our strengths are as parents?” I was like umm do you not think you’re going to get a biased answer here? The kid is perfect. And silent! So, Adam and I went on about how well behaved he is (knock, knock) when we go out in public, how well he does at nap and bed-times, he’s a good eater, he adjusts to his surroundings easily.
All of which is stuff that I think has more to do with nature then nurture, hell I’m just proud I didn’t kill him in the first few months. (If any of you have every seen my plant graveyards gardens then you know, I don’t really excel in extending the life of some things.
Anyway, they pooh-poohed us for being so modest and said to feel proud because a lot of his behavior is from his environment and we are great parents. Sigh. I shed a little tear then. Seriously.
It reminded me of this one time I went to get a trim, and Conner was still pretty wee, so he came with. He didn’t do much at that time other then hang out in his carrier and sleep. I’ve been going to this salon for a while so I was comfortable taking him with me, and I wasn’t getting any color done or anything. Right, back to the point, I was sitting in the waiting area after we were done, giving him a bottle, and another stylist came up and was coo-ing over him and all that, and said, “Well he has just been so good since you’ve been here, not making a sound, he just looks so happy.” She looked up at me, winked and continued, “That’s a sure sign of a great parent”.
I smiled back and said thanks, loaded Conner up in the car, and cried the whole way home. Adam was still away for basic, and I was doing this without him. I was staying with my family which was such a tremendous help, I can’t even tell you, but I felt like I had so many people to prove wrong. That I could and would be a good mom and Conner would get everything he ever needed.
It was hard being in the beginning, I mean no one prepares you for a baby, and all the books in the world can’t get you ready. I still worry that I’m not doing a good job sometimes, and with Conner’s speech delay, I keep looking back and thinking if there was anything we didn’t do, I mean when the hell do you go over the “How to teach a baby to talk” part in your life manual? So when someone tells us that we have done a good job with Conner, that is pretty much the biggest compliment I can get.