I can't believe that he's 4 years old. I'm sure that every parent starts their birthday laments of with that type of statement but you can't really explain it any other way then disbelief.
I can still remember waking up feeling the contractions in the middle of the night, and waking up my sister to write it down. I remember calling the drs answering service like a hundred times because no one was calling back. I remember calling my mom, and her saying we still had plenty of time so calm down. I remember my sister driving us to the hospital.
I remember the lovely beautiful epidural. I remember the mean hateful Nazi-like nurse that wouldn't let me try go to the bathroom so I wouldn't poo while having Conner. I remember the angel nurse that came in and pushed my bed over to the window so I could watch the sunrise. I remember being surrounded by my mom, my sister, my grandma, my (almost) mother-in-law, but still feeling so alone, because Adam was in basic training.
I remember throwing up after they antacid. I remember wanting a coke so bad I could hardly stand it. I remember my stupid negligent dr leaving Conner and I for over an hour. I remember the panic on everyones faces when we couldn't get him out. I remember wanting to kick in the face of the dr when she tried to threaten me with a C-section. I remember Conner coming out so quiet and gentle. I remember seeing his sweet little face and his curly red miniature hairs.
I remember the nurse bringing me the coke! I remember trying to get Conner to nurse for the first time. I remember my grandparents coming and my grandpa seeing his great-grandson for the first time. I remember craving chicken fingers and watermelon. I remember every visitor that came to see and support us. I remember trying to walk for the first time. (ouchh!) I remember feeling my empty belly. I remember my dad driving us home. I remember my sister never leaving mine or Conner's side. I remember talking to Adam the first time after Conner was born.
I remember the dr visit when we found out Conner was so very sick. I remember her telling me we had to go to Kosair's right away. I remember sobbing, thinking how could I have messed this up. I remember them taking him from me and running us up to the NICU. I remember all the horrible things they said it might be. I remember going to Wal*Mart in the middle of the night to buy a pump. I remember coming home to the empty house and it still smelling like baby. I remember camping out in the waiting room of the NICU. I remember everyone, including Conner's Dr. telling me to go home and sleep. I remember the dr pulling us into the private room where only bad news is delivered. I remember her saying they just didn't know what else to do for him. I remember just sitting next to him and silently weeping. I remember every other baby and family that where there by us. I remember waiting with families in the waiting room while their babies were in surgery. I remember the hugs and good-byes when a family got to go home.
I remember our last night when Conner was finally without wires and needles and medicine. I remember taking him home AGAIN. I remember taking him down to meet his dad. I remember Adam tearing up when we had to leave that weekend.
I remember his first birthday and how he was not interested in the cake and making a mess. I remember the horrible disaster that was my first attempt at making his caterpillar cake. I remember when he wouldn't go to sleep at night so Adam would sing him Army cadences.
I remember him catching every virus that was around and it making him so sick, once he had to go to Kosairs.
I remember his dedication day, and how grandpa waited to pass away until he was sure Conner was dedicated to the church.
I remember when he got to meet his other grandpa.
I remember his 2nd birthday when airplanes were where it was at. I remember filling the house with balloons for him to runaround and kick. I remember getting him evaluated because he refused to talk. Oh then I remember when he decided he was ready to talk. I remember telling him Lilli was here, but she had to stay at the hospital.
I remember bringing Lilli home and Conner running over to see her and give her her very own lambie and the way he grabbed and held her hand.
I remember his first day of school last year. I remember being gone for 10 days in Europe and missing them so much by the end of the 2nd day I didn't think I was going to make it.
I'll always remember what a sweet child he is. He can never get enough lovies or tell you he loves you too many times. He loves to help, and is quick to say he's sorry. He's thoughtful and smart. He's one of the few things, in my life, I'll never ever regret.
Happy Birthday Conner! I love you so much.