Sunday, August 10, 2008

Torn

I wanted to post something on here about the fallen soldier that A has left to escort home, to his final resting place. As many of you know, A is not one to have anything is his life aired, the idea of this blog makes him cringe. The idea of any type of public recognition for a job well done, especially with the military, is extremely unsettling to him.

I had wanted to write about the soldier he's bringing home, I wanted to pay tribute, do anything, anything that I could to pay respect. There is a website published by the Military Times that lists and pays tribute to all the fallen soldiers so far. I asked A, if I could post a link here, he wasn't quite sure. He didn't know about the soldiers family and how they would feel. I told him the information was on a public site, and quite flattered as I was, I don't have any type of traffic that would really warrant a problem of information spreading by the masses. He just wasn't quite sure. So I said I wouldn't. And I won't.

What my husband has left to do this week, is something beyond my comprehension. My mind simply won't wrap around his task at hand. He feels no privilege in this, only saying this soldier deserves everything he can give if not more. His phone has been constantly ringing with messages from the stateside soldiers in that unit asking questions, wanting answers, and even if they don't say it, wanting comfort. I can't comfort my husband during this time because he won't let me. Part I understand, part I don't. I am fully aware that there is an "Army Way" of things, even though his commitment is part-time on paper. I understand that my husband rarely shows deep emotions, that's fine, that's who he is and I accept that. I am aware that he feels he is protecting his fallen brothers, as well as himself, as well as me, but I don't want him too. I want him to accept this pain, this fear, this anger. I want to understand what he feels, what he has to do. I can't and I don't suppose I ever will.

I don't know what I wanted to accomplish with this post, but I will close with this. The soldier that A is bringing home to his family is only 22. He was only a baby. Please pray for this family, ask that God lay a comforting hand on them as they release their son to Him, to lay a hand on his friends and brothers in arms. That God may bring an end to this war and the losses. That the pain just ends.



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